I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
