I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
