can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
