Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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