i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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