I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
