Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
