Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
