I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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