I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
