I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
