I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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