Duck Duck Cougar?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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