I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
