finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
