i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Shame is for Republicans.
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