i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
