You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
