Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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