he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
