I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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