Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
