you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
