After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
