My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
