so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
