I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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