i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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