My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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