feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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