the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
