I wanna bring you to show and tell
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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