i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Randomize
