i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
