There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
