Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
