ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
