thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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