im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
