Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
