mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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