ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I need to stop coming to work sober
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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