This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
