we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
