I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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