while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
