It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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