Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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