i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
