We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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