i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
