you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
