how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
