He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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