he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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