I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
